View Full Version : Politics xplained, a history lesson

August 27, 2009, 07:38
Oldie, but still a funny!


For those of you with all that time on your hand and don't know about

history ... Here is a condensed version: History 101

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic

hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer

and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer

and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the

beer. These were the foundations of modern civilization and together

were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct


1. Liberals, and ...

2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of

agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet,

so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to

be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages

were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night

while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as

the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off

the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the

sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the

Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved in to women. Those became

known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the

domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and

the concept of Democrat voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer

thatconservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most

powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by

the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer

white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their

beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.

Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have

higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal

injury attorneys, politicians, bureaucrats, journalists, dreamers in

Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the

designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also


Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud or Miller. They eat red meat

and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big game hunters,

rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical

doctors, engineers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the

military, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively.

Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to

work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and

decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more

enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in

Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the

Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for


Here ends today's lesson in world history:

It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily

respond to the above before forwarding it...

A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth

of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true

believers and to more liberals just to tick them off.

And there you have it.

Let your next action reveal your true self ...