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View Full Version : If R. Lee Ermey was the U.S. Press Secretary


mauser88
December 16, 2004, 07:57
This seems like a really good idea, someone who will tell those biased
numnuts in the White House Press Corp exactly what you or me would like to
say.

.....U.S. Press Secretary......

R. Lee Ermey, for the few of you that missed it, was the host of The
History
Channel's "Mail Call" and played the D.I. in the movie Full Metal Jacket.

R. Lee is a retired Marine Gunnery Sergeant and a very plain speaker as
you
will soon read. So, for your entertainment, here is Retired Marine Gunnery
Sergeant R. Lee Ermey at his first press conference as U.S. Press
Secretary.

The main topic of discussion is the Marine in Iraq who shot the Iraq
insurgent to death. We pick up as the reporter asks about how this
potential
war crime will effect our image in the world:

Ermey: "What kind of a pansy-assed question is that?"

Reporter: "Well I think...."

Ermey: "THINK, nancy boy? Get this through that septic tank on top of your
shoulders moron, I DON'T GIVE A F*CK WHAT YOU THINK, DO YOU UNDERSTAND
ME???
That Marine shot an ENEMY COMBATANT SH*THEAD, SO GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR
ASS AND DEAL WITH IT BEFORE I MAKE YOU MY OWN PERSONAL PIN CUSHION!!!

Next question. You in the blue suit."

Reporter 2: Don't you think that the world's opinion of our
operations is important?

Ermey: "Oh sure! You don't know the times I have cried myself to sleep> worrying about what some g*ddamned French pansy thinks! Oh the days I have
had to weep because some sh*t eating terrorist f*cker might be mad at us
because we went into whatever god-forsaken hole in the sh*t that he lives
in
and killed him. WHAT THE HELL KIND OF DUMBASS QUESTION IS THAT YOU PETER
PUFFING JACKASS?? WE ARE THE MOTHER F*CKING USA, AND WHEN YOU ATTACK US WE
ARE GOING TO COME TO YOUR HOUSE AND BLOW YOUR STINKING CAMEL-LICKING
CARCASS
INTO PIECES SO SMALL WE WILL BE ABLE TO BURY YOUR SORRY ASS IN A THIMBLE!!

I know what you are thinking. You are probably afraid, thinking that I
have
such an "extreme" attitude and that I need to be ore "sensitive" to other
people's feelings. WELL LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING YOU POLE SMOKING PANSY!
I
DON'T GIVE 2 SH*TS WHAT YOU OR ANYBODY ELSE THINKS! THIS IS A DAMN WAR,
AND
IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE THAT YOU SHOULD GO HOME AND SUCK ON MAMMA'S TIT!! DO
YOU
HEAR ME YOU RUNT?? NOW GET THE F*CK OUT OF MY PRESS ROOM BEFORE I GO CRAZY
AND BEAT THE LIVING SH*T OUT OF YOU!!!

Next question, you with the ugly assed tie. Look at that thing. It is
hideous."

Reporter 3: "Aren't you going against the freedom of the press by..."

Ermey: "FREEDOM?? WHAT IN BLUE HELL DO YOU KNOW ABOUT FREEDOM? I HAVE
SWEATED MY ASS OFF IN JUNGLES BEING SHOT AT FOR THIS NATION!! WHAT IN THE
HELL HAVE YOU DONE YOU LITTLE SH*T SUCKING WEASEL? WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME
YOU PUT YOUR ASS ON THE LINE FOR ANYTHING? AND YET YOU HAVE THE
UNMITIGATED
TEMERITY TO SHOW UP HERE AND MONDAY MORNING QUARTERBACK THE ACTIONS OF A
MARINE WHO WAS DEFENDING HIMSELF AND HIS UNIT FROM ATTACK BY SOME
MURDEROUS
AL-QUEDA SYMPATHIZER!!! YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT I AM CONCERNED ABOUT NUMNUTS?
I
AM CONCERNED ABOUT A BUNCH OF GRABASSTIC, DISORGANIZED MORONS WITH CAMERAS
AND MICROPHONES DOING THEIR BEST TO PORTRAY OUR BRAVE MEN AND WOMEN AS WAR
CRIMINALS! I AM CONCERNED ABOUT CHICKEN SH*T PANSIES THAT WANT US TO
NEGOTIATE WITH TERRORISTS AND THEN WHINE ABOUT THEIR PISS ANT
"FREEDOMS"!!"

Reporter 3: "I..."

Ermey: "Did you have a big bowl of stupid for breakfast this morning,
numbnuts? I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANOTHER WORD OUT OF THAT COMMIE CRYHOLE IN
THAT SH*TPILE YOU CALL A HEAD! AND THAT GOES TRIPLE FOR THE REST OF YOU
PANSY-ASSED MORONS! NOW GET THE F*CK OUT OF MY PRESS ROOM BEFORE I SHOVE
MY
BOOT SO FAR UP YOUR ASS THAT YOU CHOKE TO DEATH ON MY SHOELACES!!!!"

Stoney
December 16, 2004, 11:16
I can just hear my Senior DI, Gunny Hollingshead's voice in that:)

gman552
December 16, 2004, 12:04
:D

FNSam
December 16, 2004, 12:18
Ermy reminds me of my dear sweet Dad.

dougjones31
December 16, 2004, 12:24
I like everything he plays in!


Didn't he play the chopper Pilot in Apocalypse Now ?

And the sheriff in Texas Chainsaw Massacre?

jpd3
December 16, 2004, 14:55
He played the merc in "On Deadly Ground" who yakked and yakked before he tried to shoot hero Steven Segal. While he was doing so, it gave Segal the time to grab Ermy's pump shotgun by the barrel, reverse it and splatter Ermy. Not something a merc or Marine would do in real life. It was a really silly movie.

cabofdoom
December 16, 2004, 15:34
FIRE BASE GLORIA

best damn flick he was ever in


COD

Jambo
December 16, 2004, 15:45
Where exactly did all of that come from? Did you come up with all of this stuff. because it sure as hell sounds like something that you would hear out of R. Lee's mouth. By the way, what the hell does the "R" stand for?
But seriously: Thank You. It's been so long since I've laughed hard enough to make my eyes water. That was, well, refreshing.

martin35
December 16, 2004, 23:45
Reminds me of my dear departed momma ,,,,,,,,,,,, when she was dead drunk.
Ermy was right on in "full metal jacket" not stylized but a little soft to me, more real than Jack Web in 1957's "DI" and Darren McGaven in '60's "Tribe".
Most folks find those portrails unblievable..

haveanimbel
December 17, 2004, 00:12
I wish.....!

rob1
December 17, 2004, 06:49
[QUOTE]Originally posted by dougjones31


And the sheriff in Texas Chainsaw Massacre? [/QUOTE
Yep, that was R. Lee. Not sure about the other one, been along time.

quicksand
December 17, 2004, 07:34
That was not the real texas chainsaw massacre, it was that pansy ass remake!!!!!!

That movie sucked major ass!!!!!

I once liked Ermy, but once he signed up for that rotton waste of film I changed my mind.

Ermy you suck!!!

JoeLad
December 17, 2004, 08:03
Originally posted by martin35
Ermy was right on in "full metal jacket" not stylized but a little soft to me, more real than Jack Web in 1957's "DI" and Darren McGaven in '60's "Tribe".
Most folks find those portrails unblievable..

Worse yet, "The Boys in Company C". IMHO, the worst film ever made when it came to depicting Marines in recruit training and later. Ermey played the Drill Instructor.

JoeLad :D

rob1
December 17, 2004, 12:20
Originally posted by quicksand
That was not the real texas chainsaw massacre, it was that pansy ass remake!!!!!!

That movie sucked major ass!!!!!

I once liked Ermy, but once he signed up for that rotton waste of film I changed my mind.

Ermy you suck!!!
true, it was a pansy assed remake. If you really want to see Ermy at his worst watch "Saving Silverman." He plays a HS football coach who ends up "hookin up" with Jack Black. Was hard for me to watch, but was good for a couple chuckles. I cant deride him for taking those parts though, gotta pay the bills.

Forrester
December 17, 2004, 12:42
Someone should register as r. lee emmy just so they can respond to DABTL and Vince's posts!:biggrin:

euripides
December 17, 2004, 16:03
The R stands for Robert, as in ROBERT E. LEE! :uhoh:

rob1
December 17, 2004, 20:39
Originally posted by euripides
The R stands for Robert, as in ROBERT E. LEE! :uhoh:
Does it really? Pretty cool, I'm a Robert E. myself.:D

Dorsai
December 17, 2004, 20:43
Mauser88,
I hope you don't mind, but I copied this over on Lightfighter.com (told them I copied it here). Let me tell you, it's real popular there. A lot of Ermy fans there.

Blood of Tyrants
December 18, 2004, 00:04
I wish we had Ermy in Washington. The damned liberals would be so afraid of him that they would be pissing their pants at the mere thought of having to ask him a question.

CRShooter32
December 18, 2004, 03:47
If Ermy was in D.C., the liberals would be afraid he would see them as watermelons, grab a full auto anything, and blast the enemy.