tools explained (WECSOG)

n-man · February 17, 2009, 17:04

I thought this would help all of us who are working toward our WECSOG degree.

TOOLS EXPLAINED

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching
flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the
chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the
freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner
where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere
under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints
and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you
to say, 'Oh sh -- '

ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their
holes until you die of old age.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation
of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor
touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board
principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable
motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more
dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt
heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer
intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various
flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the
grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing
race.

BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops
to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit
into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of
the outside edge.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under
lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil
on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out
Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used
to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and
butchering your palms.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or
bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays
is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts
adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of
cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly
well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic
bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic
parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in
use.

DAMN-IT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage
while yelling 'DAMN-IT' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most

often, the next tool that you will need.

EAB1911 · February 17, 2009, 17:40

Thats pretty funny

mountainman · February 17, 2009, 17:53

I especially like the bandsaw one. A while ago I quit a job because I didn't have the heart to keep on doing that to the boss. It usually happened after all the master machinists were yapping how I left too much meat on the workpieces. Couple weeks after quitting I needed him to fill out a reference form on me for the School Board and he said on it that he'd hire me back if I went back.

Eric Bryant · February 17, 2009, 18:03

I think that was originally published by Peter Egan (Cycle World; Road & Track) sometime last decade. It's still funny!

**W.E.G.** · February 17, 2009, 18:23

IIRC, we can thank blackbird for this one.

**fastback65** · February 18, 2009, 00:48

First posted here by me January 09, 2006 22:30

Still funny

sfbadger · April 13, 2009, 23:22

I hate to ask an embarrassing question but I'm tired of being ignorant. Can someone please tell me what WECSOG stands for?

Thanks in advance for the answer and please don't tell anybody I asked?

shlomo · April 14, 2009, 08:54

Quote:

Originally posted by sfbadger
I hate to ask an embarrassing question but I'm tired of being ignorant. Can someone please tell me what WECSOG stands for?

We Execute Cratered, Sloppy, Oversized Gasports.

**W.E.G.** · April 14, 2009, 08:58

Quote:

Originally posted by sfbadger
I hate to ask an embarrassing question but I'm tired of being ignorant. Can someone please tell me what WECSOG stands for?

Thanks in advance for the answer and please don't tell anybody I asked?

Pssssst.... http://i227.photobucket.com/albums/d...unsandammo.jpg

shlomo · April 14, 2009, 09:07

Has to play it straight, didn't ya, WEG?

No evil intent in my post, just the best I could come up with on short notice.

sfbadger · April 14, 2009, 11:42

Thank you, WEG.

shlomo, what..... that's the best you could come up with?

shlomo · April 14, 2009, 12:24

Quote:

Originally posted by sfbadger

shlomo, what..... that's the best you could come up with?

Hey, it's free, okay? I have good moments and bad ones. Mosta the time, the voices give me decent material, but today's their day off.

I mean, I'm bustin' my chops here. Throw me a bone, okay?

Blue Monster · April 14, 2009, 12:29

Side Glances, my favorite column by my favorite auto related author: Peter Egan.

I quote it often

sfbadger · April 14, 2009, 15:02

Quote:

Originally posted by shlomo

Hey, it's free, okay? I have good moments and bad ones. Mosta the time, the voices give me decent material, but today's their day off.

I mean, I'm bustin' my chops here. Throw me a bone, okay?

Okay, okay, point taken. I guess nobody bats 1000?

February 17, 2009, 17:04	#1
n-man Registered FALaholic #: 34432 Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Upper Michigan Posts: 20	tools explained (WECSOG) I thought this would help all of us who are working toward our WECSOG degree. TOOLS EXPLAINED DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it. WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh sh -- ' ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age. PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters. BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs. HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes. VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand. OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race. BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge. PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads. STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms. PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part. HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit. UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use. DAMN-IT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'DAMN-IT' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.

February 17, 2009, 18:03	#4
Eric Bryant Registered FALaholic #: 7670 Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: West MI Posts: 2,189	I think that was originally published by Peter Egan (Cycle World; Road & Track) sometime last decade. It's still funny! __________________ We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off. - Tyler Durden

February 17, 2009, 18:23	#5
W.E.G. Administrator Silver Contributor FALaholic #: 1211 Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Virginia Posts: 31,056	IIRC, we can thank blackbird for this one. __________________ . . . Ask me about the Mason-Dixon FAL Collectors Association.

February 18, 2009, 00:48	#6
fastback65 Last of the Full GrownMen Contributor FALaholic #: 78 Join Date: Jul 2000 Location: Florence, MS USA Posts: 1,300	First posted here by me January 09, 2006 22:30 Still funny __________________ panem et circenses http://k5fv.com survival and preparedness

April 13, 2009, 23:22	#7
sfbadger Registered FALaholic #: 33635 Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: West Coast Posts: 463	I hate to ask an embarrassing question but I'm tired of being ignorant. Can someone please tell me what WECSOG stands for? Thanks in advance for the answer and please don't tell anybody I asked? __________________ Curio & Relics "Good things may come to those who wait, but only the things that are left by those who hustle" -A. Lincoln "Patriotism and love of country does not demand endless sacrifice on the part of our troops in a war justified by slogans," -Z. Brzezinski

February 17, 2009, 17:40	#2
EAB1911 Registered FALaholic #: 30573 Join Date: Jul 2007 Posts: 28	Thats pretty funny

February 17, 2009, 17:53	#3
mountainman Registered FALaholic #: 14702 Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Deltona FL Posts: 3,192	I especially like the bandsaw one. A while ago I quit a job because I didn't have the heart to keep on doing that to the boss. It usually happened after all the master machinists were yapping how I left too much meat on the workpieces. Couple weeks after quitting I needed him to fill out a reference form on me for the School Board and he said on it that he'd hire me back if I went back.

April 14, 2009, 09:07	#10
shlomo Registered FALaholic #: 12779 Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: elsewhere Posts: 12,020	Has to play it straight, didn't ya, WEG? No evil intent in my post, just the best I could come up with on short notice.

April 14, 2009, 11:42	#11
sfbadger Registered FALaholic #: 33635 Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: West Coast Posts: 463	Thank you, WEG. shlomo, what..... that's the best you could come up with? __________________ Curio & Relics "Good things may come to those who wait, but only the things that are left by those who hustle" -A. Lincoln "Patriotism and love of country does not demand endless sacrifice on the part of our troops in a war justified by slogans," -Z. Brzezinski

April 14, 2009, 12:29	#13
Blue Monster Registered Bronze Contributor FALaholic #: 21622 Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: MI Posts: 1,762	Side Glances, my favorite column by my favorite auto related author: Peter Egan. I quote it often __________________ I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me. - Hunter S. Thompson Just a soldier in the war against chastity.

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