A bit of humor during a crisis

[MarkBall]

Seems the lady had a trained attack squirrel. Sucker moved like lightning & did some damage to an officer of the law..................

Complete Story of Trained Attack Squirrel

[Firestarter]

Originally posted by MarkBall
Seems the lady had a trained attack squirrel. Sucker moved like lightning & did some damage to an officer of the law..................

Complete Story of Trained Attack Squirrel

That is some funny S#!T!

I love the girls and the money and the shame of life
My shallow mind is just a sign of your game of life
There were girls in the front
There were girls in the back
And there were girls pettin' squirrels
And there were squirrels smokin' crack
With an old Navy Seal and the DEA
And a loaded automatic just to blow me all away
With a dog drinkin' liquor from a hole in the sky
And a picture of a pitcher throwin' pitches at a guy
He had a problem with his sister and her 3D cups
And a brother with a shovel just to shake it all up

I love the girls and the money and the shame of life
Hop down they're the people on the street
Where the fuzz in the navel make the people want to eat
My shallow mind is just a sign of your game of life
Get found at the level of the rest
Where the people on the street put their mettle to the test

Locomotive individual and a knuckle in a fight
And I was hidin' in the bushes but I couldn't stand the light
And he was highly indisputable the leader of the gang
Like a bullet in the freezer - Bang Bang

I love the girls and the money and the shame of life
Hop down they're the people on the street
Where the fuzz in the navel make the people want to eat
My shallow mind is just a sign of your game of life
Get found at the level of the rest
Where the people on the street put their mettle to the test

Get down - get down get get dow dow dow down
Invisibility is a relative thing
hah hah hah ha ha ha ha ha

I was all shaken up after I got shaken down
I was shakin' in the air
And I was shakin' on the ground
I was taken by the shaker who was preachin' to the crew
He was shakin' lots of bacon cookin' egg in his shoe
And awaken all the stereos began to sing a tune
Told us we were just a vision in a dream about a shoe
That was walkin' through a store
To find a needle for a soul
That had lost a little reason
Through a little tiny hole

I love the girls and the money and the shame of life
Hop down they're the people on the street
Where the fuzz in the navel make the people want to eat
My shallow mind is just a sign of your game of life
Get found at the level of the rest
Where the people on the street put their mettle to the test
I love the girls and the money and the shame of life
Hop down they're the people on the street
Where the fuzz in the navel make the people want to eat
My shallow mind is just a sign of your game of life
Get found at the level of the rest
Where the people on the street put their mettle to the test

[MarkBall]

Kind of reminds me of the story one of our own members posted here regarding the Neighborhood Hazard.

sorry don't recall who posted it, but I'll post it here. Who ever posted this originally, thank you sir.

Neighborhood Hazard (or why the Cops Won't Patrol Brice Street anymore!)

I never dreamed that slowly cruising on my motorcycle through a residential neighborhood could be so incredibly dangerous!

Little did I suspect . . . I was on Brice Street, a very nice neighborhood with perfect lawns and slow traffic. As I passed an oncoming car, a brown furry missile shot out from under it and tumbled to a stop immediately in front of me. It was a squirrel, and must have been trying to run across the road when it encountered the car. I really was not going very fast, but there was no time to brake or avoid it - it was that close. I hate to run over animals, and I really hate it on a motorcycle, but a squirrel should pose no danger to me. I barely had time to brace for the impact. Animal lovers, never fear. Squirrels, I discovered, can take care of themselves!

Inches before impact, the squirrel flipped to his feet. He was standing on his hind legs and facing my oncoming Valkyrie with steadfast resolve in his little beady eyes. His mouth opened, and at the last possible second, he screamed and leaped. I am pretty sure the scream was squirrel for "Banzai" or maybe "Die, you gravy-sucking heathen scum"! The leap was nothing short of spectacular ... as he shot straight up, flew over my windshield, and impacted me squarely in the chest!

Instantly, he set upon me. If I did not know better, I would have sworn he brought 20 of his little buddies along for the attack. Snarling, hissing, and tearing at my clothes, he was a frenzy of activity. As I was dressed only in a light t-shirt, summer riding gloves, and jeans, this was a bit of a cause for concern. This furry little tornado was doing some damage! Picture a large man on a HUGE black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a t-shirt, and leather gloves, puttering at maybe 25 mph down a quiet residential street, and in the fight of his live with a squirrel! And, losing!

I grabbed for him with my left hand - after a few misses, I finally managed to snag his tail. With all my strength, I flung the evil rodent off to the left of the bike, almost running into the right curb as I recoiled from the throw. That should have done it. The matter should have ended right there. It really should have! The squirrel could have sailed into one of the pristinely kept yards and gone on about his business, and I could have headed home. No one would have been the wiser!

But, NO! This was no ordinary squirrel. This was not even an ordinary ticked-off squirrel. This was an EVIL MUTANT ATTACK SQUIRREL OF DEATH!!!!!!!!!

Somehow, he caught my gloved finger with one of his little hands, and, with the force of the throw, swung around and with a resounding thump and an amazing impact, he landed squarely on my back and resumed his rather anti-social and extremely distracting activities. He also managed to take my left glove with him!

The situation was not improved. Not improved at all! His attacks were continuing, and now I could not reach him! I was startled, to say the least. The combination of the force of the throw, only having one hand (the throttle hand) on the handlebars, and my jerking back unfortunately put a healthy twist through my right hand and into the throttle. A healthy twist on the throttle of a Valkyrie can only have one result.

T o r q u e !!!!! This is what the Valkyrie is made for and she is very, very good at it. The engine roared and the front wheel left the pavement! The squirrel screamed in anger, the Valkyrie screamed in ecstasy, and I screamed in ... well, ..... I just plain screamed!

Now picture a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a slightly squirrel-torn t-shirt, wearing only one leather glove, and roaring at maybe 50 mph and rapidly accelerating down a quiet residential street on one wheel and with a demonic squirrel on his back! The man and the squirrel are both screaming bloody murder. With the sudden acceleration, I was forced to put my other hand back on the handlebars and try to get control of the bike. This was leaving the mutant squirrel to his own devices, but i really did not want to crash into somebody's tree, house, or parked car. Also, I had not yet figured out how to release the throttle .... my brain was just simply overloaded!

I did manage to mash the back brake, but it had little effect against the massive power of the big cruiser. About this time, the squirrel decided that I was not paying sufficient attention to this very serious battle (maybe he is an evil mutant NAZI attack squirrel of death), and he came around my neck and got INSIDE my full-face helmet with me. As the faceplate closed part way, he began hissing in my face! I am quite sure my screaming changed in intensity. I had little effect on the squirrel, however.

The RPM's on THE DRAGON maxed out (since I was not bothering with shifting at the moment) so her front end started to drop. Now picture a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a very ragged t-shirt, wearing only one leather glove, roaring at probably 80 MPH, still on one wheel, with a large puffy squirrels tail sticking out of the mostly closed full-face helmet.

By now, the screams are probably getting a little hoarse. Finally I got the upper hand ... I managed to grab his tail again, pulled him out of my helmet, and slung him to the left as hard as I could. This time, it worked!!!!......sort of. ..so to speak.

Picture a new scene...You are a cop. You and your partner have pulled off on a quiet residential street and parked with your windows down to do some paperwork. Suddenly, a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a torn t-shirt flapping in the breeze, and wearing only one leather glove, moving at probably 80 MPH, on one wheel, and screaming bloody murder, roars by and with all his strength throws a live squirrel grenade directly into your police car!!!!!

I heard screams, and for a change, they weren't mine. I managed to get the big bike under control, and dropped the front wheel to the ground. I then used maximum braking and skidded to a stop in a cloud of tire smoke at the stop sign of a busy cross street. I would have returned to fess up (and to get my glove back). I really would have. Really.... except for two things.

First, the cops did not seem interested or the slightest bit concerned about me at the moment. When I looked back, the doors on both sides of the patrol car were flung wide open. The cop from the passenger side was on his back, doing a crab walk in somebody's' front yard, quickly moving away from the car. The cop who had been in the driver's seat was standing in the street, and was aiming a riot shotgun at his own patrol car.

So, the cops were not interested in me. They often insist to 'let the professionals handle it' anyway. That was one thing. The other? Well, I could clearly see shredded and flying pieces of foam and upholstery from the back seat. But I could also swear I saw the squirrel in the back window, shaking his little fist at me, shooting me the finger........ That is one dangerous squirrel. And, now he has a patrol car. A somewhat shredded patrol car, but it was all his............

I took a deep breath, turned on my turn signal, made a gentle right turn off Brice Street, and sedately left the neighborhood. I decided it was best to just buy myself a new pair of gloves. And, some band-aids.

Beware the squirrelly wrath! It's one of those hidden nature things.

[Muggzy]

Markball and the original writer- THANK YOU


good gawd, I had tears in my eyes from laughing so hard


I don't care who you are....that there is funny

[CR1198]

The reporting was funny, but that story was just hilarious. I needed a good laugh.

[Falunga]

OMG. That was an oldie!

I laughed so hard I think I peed my pants.

Jim FALunga