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Old February 09, 2019, 20:09   #1
Stoney
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Story With A Moral!

Every year, Simon entered the state lottery hoping to win. He never did. Finally, he prayed vigorously, and hoping for God's message, he walked around the fair.
A flash of lightning struck as he was passing by Suzie's stall. She was bending over and he saw she was not wearing panties. He could see 7 written on both her bums .
He bet on 77 as he thought God had given him a clue. He lost again...Sad!



The winning number was 707.

Moral of the story: Never underestimate the importance of assholes in your life.
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“You can take a man out of the Corps, but you can’t take the Corps out of the man.”
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GOOD MORNING, WELCOME TO THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
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Press "2" to disconnect until you have learned to speak English.

"Some minds are like concrete, thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.”

Has freedom been replaced with Free-Dumb.

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AMERICA! Designed by geniuses. Now run by idiots.

"The Marines I have seen around the world have the cleanest bodies, the filthiest minds, the highest morale, and the lowest morals of any group of animals I have ever seen." Thank God for the United States Marine Corps!"
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Flying is a hard way to earn an easy living.
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Old February 10, 2019, 09:05   #2
blueyedfaler
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LOL
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Old February 10, 2019, 10:32   #3
sharkey
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Got a chuckle out of that one!
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Old February 10, 2019, 11:33   #4
tac-40
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You owe me a cup of coffee!!!
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Only 2 defining forces have ever offered to die for you. Jesus Christ and the American Soldier. One died for your soul, the other for your freedom.

Schools uses to start with the "three R's". Reading, writing, and arithmetic. Now they start with the "three D's". Dipshitery, Dumbassery, and Douchebaggery-Retired Bum

If you do in fact have a problem, you have the rest of your life to solve it. How long your life lasts only depends on how well you solve it.
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Old February 10, 2019, 17:01   #5
alphadog58
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The parts of the body were arguing about who should be in charge.
The brain said,"I should be in charge because I do all the thinking for the body."
The eyes said," I should be in charge, because the body needs me to see where its going."
The ears said," I should be in charge because the body needs to hear everything that's going on."
The mouth said,"I should be in charge because I do all the speaking for the body."
The stomach said,"I should be in charge because I process all the food the body eats to stay alive."
The asshole didn't agree with any of this shit, so he just got mad, clammed up and said nothing.
After three days of the asshole staying shut, the brain's thinking was haphazard at best. The eyes' vision became blurry. The ears' hearing became fuzzy. The mouth became parched. The stomach was full up and in great discomfort. They begged the asshole,"Please open up, we promise that you can be the boss!"
And he did, proving that one doesn't need to think well, see well, listen well, or speak well to be a boss, just be an asshole.
Larry
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