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Old August 09, 2018, 20:28   #1
hardheaded
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Converting a civy truck into a MV

My neighbor is creating a military vehicle out of a nice Chevy truck
Since he knew I was in the army he asked me to help him with it before he left for the beach for 2 weeks

My mods so far are

Cut the wires on the air conditioner and put the heater on high before breaking off the fan control switch

Custom wired the headlights so the right one is dim on low beam and both are dim on high beam

Loosened up the tie rods so instead of steering it down the road you kinda herd it

Poured something really sticky on the steering wheel

Anybody else have a favorite MV mod to help my buddy out ?
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Old August 09, 2018, 20:35   #2
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Huh, all these years and I never knew some of my old rides were mil-spec.
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Old August 09, 2018, 20:40   #3
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remove all stuffing from the cushions. make sure some of the seat springs can poke you in the ass.
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Old August 09, 2018, 20:42   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hardheaded View Post
My neighbor is creating a military vehicle out of a nice Chevy truck
Since he knew I was in the army he asked me to help him with it before he left for the beach for 2 weeks

My mods so far are

Cut the wires on the air conditioner and put the heater on high before breaking off the fan control switch

Custom wired the headlights so the right one is dim on low beam and both are dim on high beam

Loosened up the tie rods so instead of steering it down the road you kinda herd it

Poured something really sticky on the steering wheel

Anybody else have a favorite MV mod to help my buddy out ?
I was never military, but have worked on a ton of surplus trucks. Add a bunch of mysterious toggle switches and a floor lever or three.
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Old August 09, 2018, 20:43   #5
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Keep it full of fuel so the driver never pays for fuel.
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Old August 09, 2018, 21:09   #6
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1) Run Flat Tires, at least 16", All Terrain or Off Road
2) Fix the Fan Control Switch
3) Put an On/Off Switch on the Interior Light
4) Heavy Duty Springs and Shock Absorbers
5) Low watt Reverse,Tail, and Brake Lights
6) Heavy Duty Battery,Alternator,Starter,Spark Plugs&Wires
7) Silicone all Electrical Connections
8) No Air Bags
9) Skid Plate
10) Hand Cranks on Windows
11) Pioneer Tools (Axe,Pick,Shovel;all Full Sized) with Carrier
12) Satellite Phone w/ GPS and Hard Wired Charger
13) Basic Toolkit in metal box/Amno Can, welded into bed
14) Fog Lights
15) Top Quality First Aid Kit
16) Emergency Flares
17) Emergency Survival Kit (Blanket,Water,Canned Food,etc)
18) Heavy Duty Towing Hitch
19) Heavy Duty Steel Bumpers
20) Heavy Duty Steel Brush Guard
Hopefully it's 4WD?

Last edited by sniperdoc; August 10, 2018 at 07:11.
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Old August 09, 2018, 21:14   #7
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Weld a sharp piece of angle iron about head high with corner facing out and also where ever is the most comfortable resting place for an arm.

Don't forget to kick the accelerator real hard from an angle so it's bent to prevent it from being used smoothly.

Make sure steering wheel is off by at least 90 degrees
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Old August 09, 2018, 21:51   #8
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Remove the stereo
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Old August 09, 2018, 21:51   #9
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Tear all the carpet out throw a bucket of rocks and sand on the floor and paint over it
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Old August 09, 2018, 22:57   #10
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Install really tall gears so top speed is 55mph. Install fabric doors and bend them so they never latch on the first try. Swap rubber wipers for hard plastic or at least dry rotted rubber.

If it's quiet inside, make a "road noise" CD for the radio and crank it to 11! Don't forget to require a helmet at all times for all occupants...
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Old August 09, 2018, 22:59   #11
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Put a gallon of water in one front tire.

Remove all of the wheel weights.

Put wet socks in the glove box.


...............
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Old August 09, 2018, 23:42   #12
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Drive it hard so that its completely worn out at 30,000 miles.
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Old August 10, 2018, 00:49   #13
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Weld a heavy ass chain to the floor board right in front of the driver seat, use the toughest lock to chain the steering wheel in a tight turn, then loose the keys.
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Old August 10, 2018, 07:15   #14
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Install really tall gears so top speed is 55mph. Install fabric doors and bend them so they never latch on the first try. Swap rubber wipers for hard plastic or at least dry rotted rubber.

If it's quiet inside, make a "road noise" CD for the radio and crank it to 11! Don't forget to require a helmet at all times for all occupants...
And Hearing Protection, also NO SMOKING!
It's perfectly acceptable for the Military to risk your life for countless stupid reasons, but you are not allowed to endanger your own life by smoking in a vehicle
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Old August 10, 2018, 07:26   #15
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Put a dead fish in the heater box.
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Old August 10, 2018, 07:30   #16
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Weld all the leaf springs together so everybody is aware of every little bump
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Old August 10, 2018, 08:07   #17
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Hey, is this gonna be a US Navy vehicle? Is it at least ten years old? Was it turned in by the Marines as unserviceable? Painted Battleship Grey?

Quote;
"nice Chevy truck"

Oh, ..OK, never mind then.
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Old August 10, 2018, 09:25   #18
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1. Be sure to make it 24 volts so no one can offer you a jump when one of your two wore out batteries lets you down.

2. Install wore out batteries.
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Old August 10, 2018, 11:18   #19
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Limburger cheese in the heater box ?

Or, a small dead varmint of some sort might work almost as well.
At least until it hits the "mummified" state, at which point, it should be replaced with a "fresher" one.
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Old August 10, 2018, 12:04   #20
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Anybody else have a favorite MV mod to help my buddy out ?

1) Fill nine (9) soda bottles with (human) urine, leave lids off / poorly tightened. From driver's position, throw over right shoulder as hard as possible. Leave vehicle parked in sun during the month of August with all windows up for a minimum of 96 hours. Extra retirement points (varies) if Operator is diabetic.

2) Take two (2) handfuls of empty brass (5.56, 9mm, 7,62x39) and toss into vehicle. Allow to settle thoroughly into the nooks and crannies while driving as if a stunt double on the DUKES OF HAZARD. Award Operator five (5) extra retirement points if seat controls are jammed as a result of this interior decorating modification.

3) Induce CUCV-style rust by filling front floorboards with water from garden hose. Add water whenever the carpeting appears to be drying out.

3a) Optional moistener can include more of 1).

4) Remove 3 to 5 critical tools from fully stocked toolbag, replace missing items with empty food wrappers.

5) Fail to do PMCS or turn in incomprehensible 2404s, for a minimum of six (6) months or until BN Maintenance erects a fetish totem for your untimely death.

//NOTHING FOLLOWS.


Last edited by Story; August 10, 2018 at 12:13.
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Old August 10, 2018, 12:32   #21
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Does the truck come with the windshield crack pre-installed? If not, tie a heavy nut on the end of a rope and proceed to pummel one or two corners of the windscreen, preferably on the driver's side.

It wouldn't hurt to fray the battery cables, either.
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Old August 10, 2018, 12:54   #22
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Story View Post
1) Fill nine (9) soda bottles with (human) urine, leave lids off / poorly tightened. From driver's position, throw over right shoulder as hard as possible. Leave vehicle parked in sun during the month of August with all windows up for a minimum of 96 hours. Extra retirement points (varies) if Operator is diabetic.

2) Take two (2) handfuls of empty brass (5.56, 9mm, 7,62x39) and toss into vehicle. Allow to settle thoroughly into the nooks and crannies while driving as if a stunt double on the DUKES OF HAZARD. Award Operator five (5) extra retirement points if seat controls are jammed as a result of this interior decorating modification.

3) Induce CUCV-style rust by filling front floorboards with water from garden hose. Add water whenever the carpeting appears to be drying out.

3a) Optional moistener can include more of 1).

4) Remove 3 to 5 critical tools from fully stocked toolbag, replace missing items with empty food wrappers.

5) Fail to do PMCS or turn in incomprehensible 2404s, for a minimum of six (6) months or until BN Maintenance erects a fetish totem for your untimely death.

//NOTHING FOLLOWS.

VERY creative !
Points, attaboys ?, should be awarded for ...... something ?
A couple things though.
Most civilian trucks, older anyway, up here use to have empty beer bottles and cans that rolled and rattled as the truck went down the road, maybe some empty cartridge cases too.

Add salt to the water used to induce rust.
It works VERY well here in the Northeast.
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Old August 10, 2018, 13:29   #23
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  • Smack one of the steering rods with a sledgehammer. Very important: only one!
  • Remove random engine/transmission mount bolts.
  • Install a flicker mode in the cabin light. Better if bulb is hanging for dear life.
  • Spray bedliner at random locations. Really random. Then spray paint it green but do NOT rattle the can first.
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Old August 10, 2018, 14:08   #24
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Originally Posted by bykerhd View Post
VERY creative !
Points, attaboys ?, should be awarded for ...... something ?
Don't say nice things, it only encourages me to post more.


Quote:
Originally Posted by lew View Post
Does the truck come with the windshield crack pre-installed? If not, tie a heavy nut on the end of a rope and proceed to pummel one or two corners of the windscreen, preferably on the driver's side.
Or watch one of your E5s drive his dad's POV p/u through the cold, cold hydrant spray on Gasoline Alley on a hot hot summer day, with his E7 pop in the passenger seat. Hilarity ensues when the crack runs 85% horizontally.
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Old August 10, 2018, 17:41   #25
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remove all stuffing from the cushions. make sure some of the seat springs can poke you in the ass.
Make sure the spring that pokes you in the ass both causes and tries to remove hemorrhoids!
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Old August 10, 2018, 21:47   #26
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Don't forget to require a helmet at all times for all occupants...
LOL. Of course, it's only safe if everyone also wears a PT belt (since it's what holds the army together).

Heaven help us, I am now seeing sewn on rank on PT belts... Garrison has broken out.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Story View Post
5) Fail to do PMCS or turn in incomprehensible 2404s, for a minimum of six (6) months or until BN Maintenance erects a fetish totem for your untimely death.

//NOTHING FOLLOWS.
That "//NOTHING FOLLOWS" needs to be near the top of the DA 2328!
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Old August 11, 2018, 12:23   #27
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If it's a Jeep then it should already have a pissy mouse nest in the heater box. If it's a Jeep and doesn't smell like mouse piss then install a heater because it clearly doesn't have one.
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Old August 11, 2018, 12:27   #28
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There are two ford utility vans at Portsmouth Naval Shipyard with turds on the drivers seat. Nobody knows who was responsible or why I did it, but the catch phrase "shit happens" came about not long after. Coincidence?
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Old August 11, 2018, 13:34   #29
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There are two ford utility vans at Portsmouth Naval Shipyard with turds on the drivers seat. Nobody knows who was responsible or why I did it, but the catch phrase "shit happens" came about not long after. Coincidence?

Your new screenname shall henceforth be TheMadShitterOfPortsmouthNavalShipyard.

self-incrimination
Definition: The act of implicating oneself in a crime or exposing oneself to criminal prosecution.


Quote:
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L
That "//NOTHING FOLLOWS" needs to be near the top of the DA 2328!
See also FM 22-102

Last edited by Story; August 11, 2018 at 13:38. Reason: nb: be sure to have whatever stairs he fell down repaired immediately, Sergeant
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Old August 11, 2018, 13:37   #30
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Remove broken front windshield glass and turn in to DX. Then find out no new ones are available, then drive year round with no protection from the elements for years.
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Old August 11, 2018, 20:01   #31
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See also FM 22-102
I concur, those stairs need to be repaired...

I have no idea what the world is coming to. What went off course that an AMEDD COL needed to explain FM 22-102 to an O-3 company commander? I'm not even supposed to know about that kind of stuff. The scariest thing I have ever said to a NCO is "make it happen." Have seen too many DA 2823's, however.

Actually have a 5984-E. In my best Robin Leach voice - "I don't know why."
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Old August 11, 2018, 21:29   #32
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Actually have a 5984-E.
Be Company Commander.
Be coming in from field, driving with 1SG riding shotgun.
Nice day, all is right with the world.
Tank trail gate to motorpools, MATES has checkpoint. Post Commander has raging hard-on for properly dispatched vehicles (so hold on, this is actually going somewhere relevant*).
Be Company Commander who realizes he didn't dispatch his own wheels as range to checkpoint decreases.

Tell MP story about cute baby Black Bears in maneuver area. MP doesn't ask for dispatch, too busy laughing/being amused.

Impressing 1SG with Jedi skills: priceless.

via GIPHY





* Three-hole punch a HAYES manual and stuff it in an old computer bag.
Fill computer bag with old doritos. Stuff under front seat.
http://www.hayeschevrolet.com/
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Old August 13, 2018, 07:34   #33
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I can't stop laughing at most of these replies because they're 100% accurate!
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Old August 13, 2018, 07:37   #34
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Remove one headlight and taillight. When someone asks you about them not being present or working, say "Hang on a minute", run over to neighbor's truck, take needed parts off of it, replace on yours.

Post 24 hr guard on your vehicle so neighbor has to get HIS replacement headlight/tail light from a different neighbor down the street.
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Old August 13, 2018, 09:20   #35
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Remove one headlight and taillight. When someone asks you about them not being present or working, say "Hang on a minute", run over to neighbor's truck, take needed parts off of it, replace on yours.

Post 24 hr guard on your vehicle so neighbor has to get HIS replacement headlight/tail light from a different neighbor down the street.
One of my mysteries have been finally solved

That explains the DT pintle hitch and taillight housing on my OD green deuce
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Old August 13, 2018, 12:59   #36
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Your new screenname shall henceforth be TheMadShitterOfPortsmouthNavalShipyard.

self-incrimination
Definition: The act of implicating oneself in a crime or exposing oneself to criminal prosecution.




See also FM 22-102
Actually it came about in 1972 aboard the old USS Franklin D. Roosevelt, CVA-42. I do NOT know who was doing it, but there was a 'phantom shitter' leaving presents in the seats of various aircraft from ALL the squadrons embarked! The most action going on was the betting where he would hit next. LOL
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Old August 13, 2018, 15:41   #37
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Remove the stereo
Not quite... like the duty car at the Naval Hospital in Pensacola in the early 90s, tune it to a Spanish language AM station then break the tuning knob off. It was a f'ing K car... I $#!+ you not.
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Old August 13, 2018, 20:11   #38
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My favorite,

Always lock the wheel brakes on any trailer you are towing. Explaining miles long skid marks all over post is killer.

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Old August 13, 2018, 20:51   #39
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Actually it came about in 1972 aboard the old USS Franklin D. Roosevelt, CVA-42. I do NOT know who was doing it, but there was a 'phantom shitter' leaving presents in the seats of various aircraft from ALL the squadrons embarked! The most action going on was the betting where he would hit next. LOL
I'm thinking that madshitters have been a part of military culture since before Legio X Fretensis invested Masada.

See also http://www.falfiles.com/forums/showthread.php?t=419256
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