View Full Version : TGIF Humor

August 17, 2001, 09:46
Found this over at the SIG Forum:

"CIA vs FBI vs LAPD"
The CIA, the FBI, and the LAPD are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes into the forest. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

The LAPD goes in. They come out just two hours later with a badly beaten bear.
The bear is yelling: "Okay, okay, I'm a rabbit, I'm a rabbit!"

August 17, 2001, 10:32
Frenchman walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder.

Barkeep sez, where did you get that nasty thing???

Parrot sez "France, theys millions of em.

August 17, 2001, 12:00
Ta guelle!

August 17, 2001, 14:29
Duck walks into a pharmacy looks over to the guy behind the counter and says "Uh, I'd like to buy a condom," the guy turns around and says,"sure, would you like for me to put that on your bill?"


August 17, 2001, 14:39
Dog walks into a bar [on a Friday; TGIF!] and asks the bartender for a drink,

*A talking dog, imagine that!* sez the bartender. *What kind of drink do you want, pooch,* he continues....

*A free one* says the mutt...*it's me birthday....*

And the bartender asks for ID to proove it, and sure enough, the dog has a little canine driver's license that matches the name on his collar and dogtags, and it's not only his birthday, but he's even old enough to drink legally.

*Okay, dog,* says the bartender, *You get a free birthday drink. The toilet's in that room through the door over there....*


August 17, 2001, 14:40
Aggie walks into a drugstore and asks, "How much is a box of condoms?"

Druggist tells him, "One dollar."

Aggie says, "Great! I'll take a box."

Druggist says, "Fine, that will be $1.07."

Aggie asks, "$1.07? What's the seven cents for?"

Druggist replies, "Tax."

Aggie exclaims, "Tacks?!?! I thought you just rolled em on!"


August 17, 2001, 15:12

A guy walks into a Dallas bar with a dachshund under his arm. The dog is wearing an "Dallas Cowboy" jersey and helmet, and is
festooned with "Cowboy" pom-poms.

The bartender says, "Hey! No pets are allowed in here! You'll have to leave!"

The guy begs him, "Look, I'm desperate. We're both big fans, the TV is broken, and this is the only place around where we can see the game!"

After securing a promise that the dog will behave, and warning him that he and the dog will be thrown out if there's any trouble, the bartender relents and allows them to stay in the bar and watch the game.

The big game begins with the Cowboy's receiving the kickoff. They march down field, get stopped at about the 30, and kick a field goal.

With that the dog jumps up on the bar, and begins walking up and down the bar giving high-fives to everyone.

The bartender says, "Wow, that is the most amazing thing I've ever seen! What does the dog do if they score a touchdown?"

The owner replies, "I don't know, I've only had him for four years."


August 17, 2001, 15:30
A wealthy man decided to have himself cloned. The clone was his exact duplicate, except that he used only profane language.

After several months, the man was fed up. He took his clone to the mountains and climbed to the edge of a steep cliff. The man looked around and, when he didn't see anyone, he pushed the clone over the cliff.

Just then, a police officer stepped out from behind some bushes and said, "I'm going to have to give you a ticket."

"What for?" the man asked.

"For making an obscene clone fall," the officer replied. :p

August 17, 2001, 19:57
Two fish are swimming in the fish tank, one fish says to the other, "you know how to drive this thing?"